Should I Leave if I’m Not Happy?

*In my Tina Turner voice* “What’s happiness got to do, got to do with it!?

The other day I had a conversation with a dear, sweet friend of mine and we discussed marriage scenarios where one or both spouses may feel genuinely unhappy. Later, I thought about it some more and while in the shower (because apparently Jesus lives in my bathroom. Anyone else get shower revelations!?) I was reminded by Holy Spirit that Commitment and happiness have nothing to do with each other.

*gasp* “Vernique, what did you say!?”

I know, I know! We’ve been deceived, sisters (and random brothers who read my posts lol)! We were taught since preschool, “do whatever makes you happy” and that, unfortunately, is such a lie.

When a woman becomes pregnant there is often an initial joy, especially if said child was planned. Life seems so promising and exciting with this new and beautiful change on the horizon. Then comes morning sickness, uncomfortable stretching, achiness, and irritation as her body expands and acclimates to this alien that’s decided to take over. She endures, however because she knows it will all be worth it in the end. What if, though, like a few of my friends, from week one to week 41 (because baby refuses to evacuate) your whole pregnancy is nothing but morning sickness, pain, discomfort, and surprises. I mean you PRAYED for this child, but everything about this pregnancy is hard and painful. Do you give up?

Here’s one I can actually relate to: You work a job in your career field. You were excited about the job in the beginning, but now it seems to be draining. You remember a time when you didn’t have aa job and PLEADED with God for this one. However, the work is piling up, you’re not a huge fan of your coworkers, and it comes with way more stressors than expected. Should you quit?

The “world” will answer those questions with a resounding yes. But the Bible challenges us to “endure hardness as a good soldier” (2 Tim 2:3) and “Do not be weary in well doing, but in due season you will reap a harvest if you faint not” (Gal. 6:9). Which implies that in life there will simply be times where we have to work harder at things and keep pushing in spite of how it makes us feel.

See, we hope happiness follows commitment, however what happens when happiness, something so temporary and fleeting, is nowhere to be found?

Where happiness fails commitment should stand firm.

Commitment has no contingency plan and no fail safe. Commitment is a “yes” regardless of the roadblocks that stand in the way of fulfilling that “yes.” Commitment is an attitude and heart posture that is unrelenting even in the midst of discomfort.

Last week I said this on my IG page, “Marriage: for your sanctification & for His Glory.” There is joy, peace, love, and all other good things to be had in marriage. There are even moments of authentic happiness. However, if you’re looking for ways your marriage can serve YOU and keep YOU in a good mood, you’re missing the point and the greater beauty of marriage.

Yes, that means you go through hard times. Yes, that means you don’t always like the person you sleep next to. Yes, that means you don’t always agree. But yes, that’s when your commitment should be that much more evident.

Marriage isn’t Burger King, friends.

I’d LOOOVE to hear your thoughts on this piece! Please comment below and let me know!

*Author's note* I think this goes without saying, but I'm going to say it anyway: Unhappiness (in this context) is not akin to abuse or maltreatment. There is no amount of commitment that will change an abuser or someone intent on mistreating you.