I Brought My Panic Attacks with Me, Is that Cool?: 3 Ways to Navigate Mental Health in Your Relationships
I Brought My Panic Attacks with Me, Is That Cool?
In October of 2015 I found myself pacing around my office trying to breathe. I had asthma as a child so I knew what an asthma attack felt like. This wasn’t it. This was different. It wasn’t the first time either. I felt like every wall in my office was unbearably close and getting closer. I stood by my window and tried to feel the sun beams as they passed through the glass. I stood there, closed my eyes and attempted to breathe in through even pore in my body as the sun washed over me……finally. Quiet.
I opened my eyes and turned towards my desk. Nope! It all came rushing back. “I have to get out of here!” I grabbed my jacket, rushed to the exit and walked around the building. Then slowly, but surely, it went away and I went back to my office. I was still buzzing but, better.
This happened a few times over month and a half and was the main catalyst in pushing me to quit my job at the time. I wasn’t married, but little did I know, Mike was going to propose some 3 months later. My pastor’s wife at the time helped me identify what was going on, a panic attack. I’d never really experienced them prior to that period in my life. I battled mild depression in middle school and high school, but nothing really in my adult life. After quitting my job, though things weren’t easy, I didn’t have anymore panic attacks. However, during our engagement they made a resurgence. Our engagement was stressful for a number of reasons, the main ones being family and our 5 month engagement. They would happen whenever I felt super overwhelmed, but after talking to someone or just taking a break from whatever I was doing, they would go away.
Mike never really knew what to do other than watch me cry or listen, and truthfully, I didn’t know what I needed because this was new to me too. However, I became worried that I was going to bring this into my marriage and that Mike would regret marrying a basketcase.
The wedding came and went and everything was great. Until one day, months later, while in class I felt like my brain vomited a million thoughts all at once and I couldn’t focus on what was being said. All of a sudden, I had this overwhelming urge to cry and became unable to hold myself together. I quickly got up, left class, and called my husband. I barely made it out the door before I was in tears. I walked out of the building and into a parking lot while my husband basically talked me out of dropping out. A month or so later I had another one and it was then that I realized I had to take action. I found a therapist that was in-network with my insurance and made an appointment.
What I'm not going to tell you is that I am now perfect. Truthfully, I very recently had another panic attack due to an unusual amount of stress, however, it was the first one I've had in over a year and I was able to calm down much quicker than before.
Here are a few things I want you to know if you battle with a mental health issue or have been diagnosed:
1. You're not damaged goods- There's this tendency for us as women to have this expectation of perfection for ourselves. Sometimes even the strongest of things break, at that point you do what you can to fix it. We are finite human beings. Sometimes we break, sometimes we crack, sometimes our circumstances give rise to certain symptoms and that's okay! With prayer, support, and professional help you can be mended and learn to cope! You are still a phenomenal woman with or without a mental health issues!
2. Tell your loved ones what you need- My poor husband had no idea what to do whenever certain emotions would rise up. However, when I'm able to say, "I just need you to listen" or "can you hug me?" it's easier for him to help. Now, if I can't get myself to say the words or at least motion my need, I also can't get upset when he doesn't act according to telekinesis. Also, your significant other or bestie may not be the person who can best support you. I have specific people who I know I can go to and who understand in a way those closest to me may not have the ability to.
3. Find healthy outlets and coping mechanisms- For my personal situation, I find when I am most overwhelmed it's because: a) the situation itself is overwhelming or b) I'm overdoing it. When a situation is simply overwhelming (i.e. death in the family or loss of job) I have to use coping skills such as exercising, doing something fun, engaging in a hobby, etc. to allow myself moments of reprieve and to get some good hormones flooding my brain naturally. When I am overdoing it (over thinking, have too many responsibilities on my plate) I need to take a step back, prioritize, and break everything down into manageable steps and try again. Find out which is which for you and try the above techniques!
I want you to know you’re not alone. I don’t know if you’ve been battling with any sort of mental health related issues, but I want to encourage you to seek help when you need it (because at some point we ALL need it). I know there are a million things on your plate, but you cannot be an asset to your family if you, yourself, are not healthy and whole.
Find out who is in network with your insurance or find sliding-scale fee counseling services near you that will work with you out-of-pocket. Even if you just need someone to speak to, your sanity is worth it.
Have you dealt with any mental health issues within your relationships? How do you cope? Encouraging words for others going through? Comment below and share with a friend!