6 Signs You've Made an Idol of Marriage
Let me make this CUH-LEER
IT IS OKAY FOR YOU TO DESIRE MARRIAGE
It is NORMAL and even GODLY for you to desire marriage.
The next time someone attempts to make you feel guilty for talking about marriage, or the next time you find yourself over-explaining your desire for a spouse remember these (3) things:
1. God created marriage. It was His idea, so that automatically makes it a good thing
2. We were created for intimacy and oneness; first with God, then a godly mate
3. Remember the whole Adam-and-Eve thing? God literally created marriage because the lack thereof was “not good” (see Genesis 2:18)
BUT there’s a point where desire can morph into obsession and idolatry.
It is hard to imagine that we would, or even could, make an abstract concept like marriage our god. And yet, that is exactly what occurs when we desire anything more than God or His divine order. To help you avoid this common pitfall, here are six signs you have created an idol out of marriage.
1. When you want it more than God’s pace for you
God’s timing and order are PERFECT. When we choose, especially deliberately, to outpace God in the things we want it is not only a sure sign of idolatry, but we put ourselves at risk of undue hurt and entanglement. It stems from an attitude that says, “I’m going to get this with or without you, God.” Resubmit your timeline and let God show you that His pace is better
2. When it occupies a majority of your thought-life
Listen sis, you’re allowed to dream, BUT if most of your brain’s energy is spent thinking about your dream wedding, curating photos for your Pinterest board, generating random scenarios where you meet the love of your life at a park, or building your 6 bedroom house alongside your 6’4” doctor husband and 2.5 kids…you might be idolizing a (unrealistic) future that may set you up for disappointment later. Let God freely write your story, He’s so much better at it.
3. When it becomes a demand
I really hate to break it to you…but God doesn’t owe you anything; definitely not marriage. It is a blessing, it is beautiful, it is a choice, but it is not a necessity. When we approach God like children having tantrums instead of Holy boldness (making our request known but accepting His sovereignty) you better believe we’ve missed the mark somewhere. We can desire something without making it a demand. Surrender your will and be malleable to the will of the Lord.
4. When it hasn’t happened you question God’s goodness
“God is Good all the time…until He stops doing what I want.” You may not think this is how you feel, but with each passing birthday, Valentine’s Day, or significant holiday you become bitter and question God’s goodness and Love towards you. Listen…I get it. It’s hard to see everyone getting engaged, married, or having babies while you struggle to meet someone who isn’t trying to waste your time. The Bible says, “A dream deferred makes the heart sick.” It can be disheartening BUT allowing your perception of God to be distorted will never be your way out. Actually, the strain may cause more damage in the long run that could pollute your heart. Pray for the eyes of your heart to be steadfast in the knowledge of the character of God.
5. When we lose it we fall apart
This is not the same as feeling hurt if a relationship ends. When relationships are broken apart, regardless of what type it is, there is a level of grief that arises. However, when the loss of something tears you apart from God or causes you to question your worth, your roots are very clearly planted in the wrong place. Your sense of self should be so securely set, that even when something would attempt to rob you of Truth and Peace, you won’t be moved. A relationship cannot and should not define you. Allow God to affirm and secure you in Him.
6. When we magnify the gift over the Giver
If we believe God created marriage, it should be perplexing that we edge Him out in our pursuit of it. A person who magnifies marriage will often seek to complete the ABC’s of being the ideal spouse, yet neglect their soul. It is so counterproductive, when you think about it, because how can we be successful in an endeavor if we have not allowed the Creator of that thing to lead us in it. Marriage is servitude above all else. If your heart is not to lay your life down DAILY your magnification of marriage is likely from an perverted desire to meet needs that you should be filling with God. Magnify the Creator and allow Him to teach you His design for marriage.
If you’ve found yourself in one or more of these categories know this: you’re not alone. Many, if not most of us, have been there at some point. It doesn’t mean you’re not going to be a good spouse or that God is withholding marriage from you, but it does highlight areas that need to be confronted. Trust God with your desire for marriage and I guarantee you He will make it worth the time.
Have you made marriage an idol? How do you keep from making marriage an idol? Comment below! I want to hear from YOU!! CLICK HERE to start your healing journey with my life-changing self-guided course, Heal for Real!