I’m Getting Married.....Not Dying

My bachelorette party happened at my church’s ministry house.

Needless to say there were no strippers.

It was a great time though! My bridesmaids made some good food, I had so many wonderful friends come celebrate, and my Maid of Honor and I sang “The Power of Love” by the incomparable Celine Dion at the top of our lungs like

But really more like

After the scandalous gifts were opened and everyone made every sex joke they could think of, we had a moment that I can only describe as a mini Q&A session; with some of the more seasoned wives in the room answering questions posed by some of my single friends. One of my besties asked a question about how to “deal” with the fact that I was getting married, and how our relationship would change. She wasn’t the first person to bring that up during my engagement. I had people in my circle PREPARING for my marriage as if I was going to marry Mike and get soaked up in the black hole of our love, never to be seen again.

Matter of fact, the concept weighed so heavily on one person that, to this day, our relationship has never been the same. We don’t even talk anymore unless it’s necessary. It saddens me to be honest.

For my more level-headed friends, they quickly found out that I took a week off for our Mini-moon (got married in August, but didn’t go on our Honeymoon until December) then I surfaced back to the real world just in time for phone calls and lunch dates.

Now, to be fair, my priorities are different. No, I’m not gonna go out with you to the movies if we have date night planned. I’m probably gonna be itching to go home by 10/11pm so I can talk to hubby before he goes to sleep. I may not stay on the phone with you til 1AM talking about guys (I mean I didn’t do that before either because I love sleep, but you get my point). And add the compounding factor of me starting Graduate School 10 days after getting married, I am almost always unavailable during the week. So yeah, things changed.

However, I still made my friendships a priority as well. I would check in with one of my besties AJ once a week, so she knew she was still on my mind (the irony is that now she barely has time for me lol!). I tried my best to schedule phone calls with my long-distance bestie KB. I even cultivated new friendships through my program, a summer job I worked, and church. In addition, as the brand-newness of my marriage has worn off, I’ve become less of a stickler about my home to social-life ratio. My life hasn’t changed so drastically that I don’t have time for or don’t need friends anymore.

Actually, I would venture to say that newly married people need their friends even more after they get married. Mike and I were married at 23 and there were (still are) very few people our age who were married as well, so I remember feeling really isolated for the first 6 months or more. I felt like my single friends couldn’t understand how I was feeling, but most of the married friends I have are older than me and have kids, so I didn’t feel like I fit there either. However, I could always rely on my friends for laughs and familiarity while trying to figure out this new part of my identity.

I say all this to say, single ladies, give your married friends some slack. We’re trying to figure out this new life change too. But you can’t write us off and assume that we are going to abandon all of our friendships now that we’re married. Give us a chance to make room for you. Married ladies, don’t be that chick that gets all brand new cuz you’re married now. You’ll find that your spouse can’t be hubby and girlfriend at the same time. Keep your friends close and husband closer!

Any experience with losing friends after marriage? Were you this friend? Comment Below!