What Fragrance are You Carrying?
So, I have a few groups of close-knit girlfriends and recently one of them decided we should go out to this new lounge (in the middle of nowhere, might I add!) because they had free entry and free crab legs. Needless to say, I needed to be in the building to redeem my crab legs lol!
I usually don’t make a habit of going “out” but I obliged because well....you read the part about the crab legs right? Okay. Well one of the reasons I don’t go out often is because usually these places allow smoking. My friends usually know not to invit me to such places because I hate the smell. However, since this was a new spot, we didn’t really know what the vibe was going to be. Halfway through our being there, as more folks should up, so did more cigarettes, Black and Milds, and another interesting scent I couldn’t put my finger on.
Though I was just there for crab legs and good drinks, when I left, I smelled like, what my friend described as, the projects.
The next day was Sunday and I got up to get dressed for church. I took a nice shower, put my clothes on, and then I grabbed my hair off the dresser (lol, can I be real?!). Chile, I almost threw the whole wig away!
It smelled like a chain-smoker’s wet dream.
I tried shaking it first... and for obvious reasons that didn’t work. Then I sprayed it with some Bath and Body Works spray and though that didn’t really work either I didn’t want to risk being (more) late (than usual).
I spent most of the service wondering if I smelled like an ashtray and questioning why I didn’t grab my old faithful wig out the closet. The whole day I had to be surrounded by the smell and absolutely hated it, but by God’s immeasurable grace the next day it smelled back to normal. But I learned an immensely valuable lesson…don’t just go anywhere because crab legs are free (SN: they weren’t even good!).
Relationships can be a lot like the scenario I just described. We often go into them excited and full of promise, but after a while, if things go sour, we leave them frustrated, embarrassed, and disappointed. Those feelings can be valid, especially in romantic relationships, however we cannot live there...or we’ll inevitable die there.
Each relationship we encounter from the time we’re born leaves a mark, a fragrance, if you will. They either show us that people are worth trusting, or that no one is safe. As we get older and gain more experience, those fragrances tend to stick to us more and impact us in negative ways. We may make attempts to come in contact with new scents, but it never matters how good they smell if we are carrying the stench of a former broken relationship; we’ll never be able to smell past our past.
If we are not careful to bathe ourselves in healing and forgiveness, we run the risk of stinking up beautifully fragrant people. You may desire to smell better and hate the smell you’re carrying but if you refuse to let go of the former things because in some twisted way you think letting yourself smell bad makes the person you used to smell bad with stay stank (yes, stank!), you got another thing coming.
It’s a very strange phenomenon, but often the ones who used to roll around in the dirt with us, or even the ones who corrupted our previously sweet fragrance usually are quick to deodorize themselves and move on. I don’t know if it’s a lesson taught in “How to Be a Jerk 101,” but I rarely see it happen another way.
So, it sounds like the best way to make the best out of a stinky situation is to…choose to get clean.
Look, bad things happen in life. Sometimes people don’t uphold their promises or maybe they don’t know how. However, as bad as it hurts, God is gracious enough that he will truly give beauty for ashes and the oil of Joy for mourning (Isaiah 61). He can actually give you an even better fragrance than if you choose to let go of your right to…well, stink. But you do have to choose.
Truth is, there are awesome mates out there who will love you until you smell as beautiful as you are, however, take initiative and love yourself enough so that no one has to.
It may seem impossible now, but I promise you, from one formerly stank person to another, it’s truly an obtainable reality.
#AskMeHowIKnow
If you’re honest, what fragrance are you carrying? How do you deal in your current relationships when certain things are triggered? How have you overcome disappointments from past relationships? Comment below I want to hear from you!!