4 Reasons You Should Keep Your Relationship Secret Like Issa Rae
Black America’s favorite “Awkward black girl” just got engaged!!
Issa Rae confirmed in a 2017 Page Six interview that her single season was interrupted because she fell in love, and to be honest, we didn’t hear much more about it until now, and she STILL hasn’t confirmed the engagement rumors (her Insecure co-stars spilled the beans!).
Issa and her boyfriend, Senegalese businessman, Louis Diame have been seen together on the red carpet over the years, but more rumors swirled around about her supposed relationship with Queen Sugar actor Kofi Sirobe’s than the one she was actually in! Diame and Rae have been together since her Awkward Black Girl days, but have managed to keep their relationship out of the spotlight.
When asked about her love life, Issa had this to say in a VOGUE interview,
“I don’t want any input,” she says. “As a writer, you put everything on the table. I’ll take input on kids if I’m going to have kids. How do I not kill the kids? Work? Give me the input. Any other aspect of my life? Give me the input. But who I’m [with]! No, I don’t need input. I’m good.”
and to be honest, I felt that on a spiritual level!!
There are few things that EVERYBODY AND THEIR MAMA have the most opinions on and who people choose to be in relationship with is top of the list.
Most are usually well-meaning (not all!) and just want to make sure you’re making a solid decision or doing your part in keeping a good one around, but regardless the amount of input and constant scrutiny can be overwhelming to say the least.
As a matter of fact, in the social media age, being “Facebook official” has made it even easier for people to have a front row seat to your relational successes and failures. It’s, low-key, become a landmark that establishes the certifiable nature of a relationship.
The decision to boast your relationship to the world has been a source of contention for some. When one party wants to keep the relationship under wraps, it can be perceived as wanting to hide the relationship. Though that may be the case sometimes, not wanting to share about relationship can be a protective factor in many ways, and here are a few:
It can help promote intimacy.
There’s nothing steamier in a relationship than that, “I know something you don’t know” feeling between a couple. A [shared] secret could mean public flirting, stolen glances, and that “teenage Love affair” kind of vibe. It’s like when a newborn first comes into a family, a couple will go into this nurturing bubble with a focus on their new blessing. Relationships are like babies, and when you can spend time nurturing and enjoying it instead of worrying about what people think, that can be a huge intimacy factor.
What’s understood doesn’t have to be explained.
No one is saying you have to dodge the paparazzi. People will likely see you together on outings or in group settings. They’ll wonder and chatter, but if they know they know, and if they don’t that’s OK too. People are smarter than you think though. They catch on to vibes and chemistry and when it’s real it shows. It can promote a level of validation when people can see what you’ve not stated because it’s so clearly there.
People can’t intrude on what they don’t know
Your serial dating cousin may SEEM to know what she’s talking about when she gives you relationship advice, but let’s be honest, if she can’t stay in her own relationship why should she advise you on yours? That friend that’s been waiting on you to get in a relationship for three years so you guys can go on double dates may seem very encouraging, but she may just be lonely and pushing you into a situation you’re not really ready for. Either way the only voices that should matter most are that of your partner, you, and God.
You don’t have to.
This one is self-explanatory. I’m not sure WHO invented this idea that we must tell the world who we’re romantically involved with. Seriously, think about it.
We don’t go out of our way to make sure people know every member of our family, yet we are related to them nonetheless. You don’t announce when you make a new friend so they don’t feel insecure in the relationship. In like manner, people knowing your relationship status doesn’t make it any less real OR healthy!! Sometimes the most visible couples, are seeking outward validation, or presenting something as they WISHED it were and not how it actually is. I’m not sure about you but I’d rather be secretly healthy than visible and jacked up.
Overall, I’m not saying you should keep your relationship a secret forever, but it may be beneficial to at least keep it quiet in the beginning so you have time to enjoy and work on your relationship without the applause or discouragement of others. You should not feel obligated to give people a seat at your relationship table. It’s YOUR decision alone, and though wise counsel is necessary, no one is entitled to know who you are in commitment with.
In the wise words of fashion blogger, Arkeedah McCormick:
Do you feel the pressure to be Facebook official? Or do you tend to be on the quiet side? Comment below I want to hear from you!